I love a good comeback. However, I am eternally saddened by the fact that I rarely contain enough wit to make one myself.
I admire people who are able to accomplish this feat. I don't mean just being plain sarcastic in a rude way, but people who actually possess the mental capabilities to think of clever retorts.
So here is a collection of my favorite insults [that just sounds wrong...]:
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..." -Oscar Wilde.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop.
"I've just heard about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -Irvin S. Cobb.
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -Forrest Tucker.
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx.
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -Winston Churchill.
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -Mark Twain.
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -Mark Twain.
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde.
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -Billy Wilder.
"He had delusions of adequacy." -Walter Kerr.
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my play; bring a friend, if you have one." -George Bernard Shaw (to Winston Churchill).
Winston Churchill: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one."
Brilliance. Pure brilliance.